The expected update

My grandmother died at 2:05 this morning. :-(

When I woke up I had six missed calls from my mother, and also a text message where she said that she figured I was probably sleeping (correct - she knows me well ;-) and that my grandmother had passed away peacefully in the night. She never felt any pain. Which of course was exactly how we wanted it. She was always very healthy and strong and not used to being in pain or being helpless ... so it was hard to see her being dependent on care and feeling all that pain which no one was able to do much about. Now they have kept her quiet and free of pain until nature just took its course. That's how it goes. I'm glad they did what they could.

Now I feel ... sad, of course, but nowhere near as sad as I've always pictured myself being at her death. Because I really loved her so much and I know how much she always loved me. (I was her favorite grandchild. I really was. :-) But in a way she already passed away in May. Because the woman that we knew has in some ways been gone since then. So some of my grief I guess I have already dealt with. And I also feel relieved because these past few months life has not been worth living for her ... and it's also been hard for my mother, who has never felt that she has been able to do enough, even when she has done everything that she can possibly do. I'm really looking forward to seeing my mother again now. I'll call her once I'm done writing this.

Something pretty weird: yesterday and last night, the weather here was completely awful. Some rain, but mostly enormously windy ... like almost storm level winds. But it passed in the night and today the weather is perfect, brilliant ... the sun shining from an almost cloudless sky on the beautiful fall colors of the trees. Some coincidence, huh? I'm going to go out into this lovely weather now. My grandmother always loved nature and being outside. :-)

Grandma and me together: