Sunday, October 26, 2008

The expected update

My grandmother died at 2:05 this morning. :-(

When I woke up I had six missed calls from my mother, and also a text message where she said that she figured I was probably sleeping (correct - she knows me well ;-) and that my grandmother had passed away peacefully in the night. She never felt any pain. Which of course was exactly how we wanted it. She was always very healthy and strong and not used to being in pain or being helpless ... so it was hard to see her being dependent on care and feeling all that pain which no one was able to do much about. Now they have kept her quiet and free of pain until nature just took its course. That's how it goes. I'm glad they did what they could.

Now I feel ... sad, of course, but nowhere near as sad as I've always pictured myself being at her death. Because I really loved her so much and I know how much she always loved me. (I was her favorite grandchild. I really was. :-) But in a way she already passed away in May. Because the woman that we knew has in some ways been gone since then. So some of my grief I guess I have already dealt with. And I also feel relieved because these past few months life has not been worth living for her ... and it's also been hard for my mother, who has never felt that she has been able to do enough, even when she has done everything that she can possibly do. I'm really looking forward to seeing my mother again now. I'll call her once I'm done writing this.

Something pretty weird: yesterday and last night, the weather here was completely awful. Some rain, but mostly enormously windy ... like almost storm level winds. But it passed in the night and today the weather is perfect, brilliant ... the sun shining from an almost cloudless sky on the beautiful fall colors of the trees. Some coincidence, huh? I'm going to go out into this lovely weather now. My grandmother always loved nature and being outside. :-)

Grandma and me together:


Paz said...

Sorry to hear about your Grandmother, it is good that she is no longer suffering and that you have such great memories with her. I lost my Dad this year and feel your loss. She will always live with you in your happy memories.
"To live in hearts we leave behind
Is not to die." Thomas Campbell

Leisha Camden said...

Thank you! What a beautiful quote. I'm sorry about your father, that must have been difficult. How old was he? My grandmother was so old (91) and she lived such a good life - up until the last months of her life - that losing her isn't really upsetting, but just sad. It's natural to lose loved ones like her, if you know what I mean ... I will always miss her, but I will also always have my wonderful memories of her. :-)

Rose said...

Your in my thoughts sweetie!! Our sympathies to u and your family. That is a beautiful photo of the two of u together. Hold onto the memories and she will forever live in your heart!
Hugs xxx

Jænners said...

I'm sorry for your loss. I'm glad she died in peace, without pain, though it still hurts for those who are left.


Leisha Camden said...

Thanks to both of you. And hugs back. :-) Also thanks to people who have texted me or called but not posted a comment ... I really appreciate your sympathy. Although this is hardly tragic, it's still sad. The funeral is on Friday and I think it will be lovely; she had written down everything she wanted so all we have to do is follow her instructions. So typical. :-)

Heapbasket said...

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. Hope your feeling better.

Heapbasket said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I hope your feeling better.

Leisha Camden said...

Thank you!