My weekend at my grandmother's house ...

... was pretty sad. :-(

We drove up on Friday, got there at around nine. We stopped off at the old folks' home to see how my grandmother was, but only saw her briefly as she had already gone to bed and was very tired. So we just said hello and told her we'd be back the next day. She was happy to see us, although she can't really smile properly ... :-(

We stayed in her house ('we' = my mother and my father and me) - it was so weird to be there without her. It's just one of those places that are never supposed to change. A place I remember from my childhood as always the same. Whenever we went there, my grandmother would be waiting with fresh waffles when we arrived. No waffles this time. :-(

My mother wanted me to sleep in my grandmother's bed since it was already made. (She and my father slept in her old room which is normally theirs when they're there.) As if!! It may be just me being weird but that would have felt seriously disrespectful to me. I slept in my uncle's old room where I normally always sleep when I'm there. It's the guest room now ... and for my money I'm still just a guest in that house. It's still my grandmother's house, even if she can't live in it anymore.

We went to see her again on Saturday. Twice ... because she gets tired so easily, so nobody can stay with her for very long when they visit. It doesn't take long at all - say 30-40 minutes - before she's so tired from being up and being with company that she wants to lie down and rest. Inbetween visits we went to see my grandmother's sister and her husband and son on their farm ... her sister has Parkinson's, and although she was significantly better now than the last time I saw her (her meds have been altered) it still is hard to believe that she's 10 years younger than my grandmother. Looking at them you'd almost think they were the same age or pretty close. Her husband is pretty senile and needs to be looked after almost constantly ... he forgot who my mother was in the middle of the conversation, and when she reminded him that she was his niece he was like Oh, that's right, you're Agnes' daughter! ... which he'd already 'remembered' once about ten minutes earlier. But things just slip his mind. When we saw him again the next day she had to remind him again.

Anyway ... we also went for a drive around the area, to see the new football arena and a new housing development, we visited my grandfather's grave in the local churchyard, and we checked in on the Secret ... the weather was fantastic so it was nice to be there, just so sad that things had to be like that. On the Sunday we went to see my grandmother again, then went back to her house to pack and then on our way home stopped by to say goodbye to her. My mother kind of wanted to stay. She knew she couldn't, but ... she's having a really hard time with this.

It was so sad to see my grandmother like that. Partly because she's so weak, and she's always been so energetic and capable. (She gets confused now about some things - if you call on a Sunday she'll ask if you're at work, and if my mother says she's at home she (grandma) thinks she's in her house ... etc.) And partly because she needs help with pretty much everything, which is just so sad. Undignified is what it is. :-( She's optimistic in this weird way that she thinks she'll recover and be able to move back home ... but like I said before, it's good that she's able to stay positive. Just weird to hear her say it when it's so obvious to us that it's not going to happen. But faith can move mountains, I guess ...

... I hope ... or do I?

:-(