I got a text message from my father a couple of hours ago. My grandmother is better today. Yay!
I guess it's maybe selfish, but still.
I know she dreads the idea of becoming a patient/resident in a nursing home ... she wants to be able to live on her own and take care of herself as she always has ... and I don't want that 'dependent' situation for her either. I know it's not what she wants. So I absolutely don't want that.
But at the same time I want her to live for as long as possible. So ... conflicted, and selfish. :-(
Plus the fact that the whole situation is complicated by the fact that in my family, we have a Secret ... which must not come out, for some incomprehensible reason that I have never been able to understand, but which will come out as soon as we have an obituary to write and a funeral to plan. So when that happens and we're in that situation (I hope it never comes to that, but of course I know that it will) everything will be so much worse than it already is. Basically because of something totally stupid that should never have been a problem in the first place.
People suck sometimes.
But my grandma's doing better, so I'm happy anyway. :-)
1 hour ago